We failed you... ... and enriched ourselves!

Our Achievements

still in power after 14 years
enriched our chums
a record 5 Prime Ministers
a persistent cost-of-living crisis
tax burden - UP
NHS waiting lists - UP
Dentist availability - DOWN
🏠 Rent and Mortgage Costs - UP
Homelessness - UP
💩 in our rivers - UP
💩 in our drinking water - UP
Protected "non-dom" tax avoiders
Nurses using food banks
Schools and hospitals crumbling
Influence and soft power - DOWN

Our People

headshot of Rishi Sunak Rishi Sunak
ex-banker, millionaire, can't work contactless payments
headshot of David Cameron David Cameron
caused brexit then ran away, dodgy finances
headshot of Grant Shapps Grant Shapps
liar, bully, ran 'get rich quick' scams while a serving MP
headshot of Cames Cleverly James Cleverly
doesn't believe rented homes should be fit for human habitation, supports privatisation of the NHS
headshot of Jeremy Hunt Jeremy Hunt
destroyed the NHS, gives jobs to his mates' kids
headshot of Michael Gove Michael Gove
lied about Brexit delivering £350m per week for the NHS

Our Priorities

#1 Retain power at all costs
#2 Line our own pockets
#3 Avoid Scrutiny
#4 Control The Media
#5 Sow Division
#6 flaunt international law
Stop the Conservatives, not "The Boats"
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This website is a parody of the achievements of the Conservative Party after 14 years in government. It is not intended to reflect the actual policy or achievements of any political party.

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